Dissappointed about myself...

Today is likeDoom's Day" for me. My presentation really sucks. When I came to school today, I began to worried about the presentation. I don't even know what to say for the presentation. All the PPT slides and the video is with zawani. I only helped to settle the file and I also accompanied Zawani to buy the fire wire. How silly of Munishah to lost her video wire. On saturday, me and Zawani run around town to get that damn wire. It was very sickening and tiring. At first, we went to Takhashimaya then we realise that there is no samsung shop there. After that we went to paragon. The shopping centre was quite big so we had to walk around the whole mall to find it. Unfortunately, there is no such shop there too. In the end, Zawani called Munishah to find out the exact place. Then Munishah told her that the shop is at Plaza Singapura. How irritating!!! From city hall we must go all the way to dhouby ghaut. To make things worse, the MRT was so crowded that all the passengers were so closely packed. From outside of the MRT, we all looked like solid particles.

When we reached Plaza Singapura, we headed straight to Best Denki. When we found the wire, the promoter said that it was the wrong one. He recomended us to go to Sim Lim Tower to get the correct one. Finally, we got the correct one and we went home around 4++pm. Sometimes I felt that some of my group members are not doing their job. I shall not mention who but those who know they will know wat am I talking about. Another thing is that I noticed that Zawani and Munishah had been pushing all e work to me . However, despite knowing that, I was shocked that Fadzlin did not know anything. In this matter, I do not know who to blame. But what I know is that 90% is because of me. As a group leader, I did not carry my duties well. I did not give them proper instructions and all of them look soo blur.

During the presentation I made a serious mistake. I tried to summaries a whole chunk of words on the spot. I knew that it was not possible but I tried. However, it did not turn out to be as nice as I thought. When I faced my classmates, I got so nervous that my brain suddenly blank. I often got stuck in between the words and I felt embarassed. I thought my group was the only group without the interview. So embarassing !!! If Sarina and Aisyah were there, they would know how I felt.

I kept telling myself not to be scared and instead to be brave. I mean...come on... three years in SJAB and I had learn nothing out of it. There must always be something that I have learnt. I wondered what my classmates would think of me??? A SGT who is only fierce in the parade square but as timid as a mouse during presentations. This coward behaviour has been in me since I was in primary school. I attended numerous leadership camp but I still have some difficulty in overcoming this... haix.... How I wish that there is a cure to this. Leadership is not something which is in me but those who already realise the leadership quality, that's good !!! [e.g Aisyah] How can I ever be like her... very out spoken, no wonder she was choosen to be a councillor.

I really felt down today. I did not know who could brighten me up today. I just felt like crying the whole day but the tears just could not come out. Today is one of the worse days in my life. I hated to be a 15 yr old. Life is miserable...

NDP Trainings

Up till now i'm still worried about my MT project. The PPT slides and the file is settled but the video is giving my group a serious problem. I regretted doing my project at alast minute. For your info, this is likely to be my attitude. "Last minute". I knew that my group could have done better if we completed it during the june holidays. I am not going to repeat this big mistake ever again!!!

Anyway during recess, me and sarina ate nasi lemak. It is delicious but I got irritated easily by the queue. I really could not stand the queue. Even if I go JB, i would have reached already my destination. I had been standing at the same spot for about 10 minutes. How ridiculous!!! The auntie vendor gave Sarina alot of peanuts. I do not know why... [macam tau jer] At last, she donated all her peanuts to me... he...he... I ate the nasi lemak like as if I not going to find food tmrw [greedy women] Honestly, I am really hungry. When I am hungry I can eat all the things that come to my way. [[monster shahidah]]

Ah... before I forget... Just now during morning assembly, there was a motivational talk conducted by the ex- riversidians. It was good and it inspired me alot. I cannot believe it... one of the speakers was from the NA stream and she managed to get to JC in the end. How wonderful !!! I hope that I can be like her one day... insyallah...

Then after school, I and aisyah managed to grab a pandan cake and eat it. When I was about to fall in, I asked a member of the GG for two pairs of gloves. One for me and the other for Sarina. I felt honoured wearing the gloves. [sort of] When I was watching the sec. twos doin their stationery commands,[da u know who] came 2 me. I thought he wanted 2 scold me but instead something weird happened. He came near me and sang the song 'my island home'. My mouth went wide open. Actually, no,i'm just exaggerating.

Finally the proper rehearsal started. I get quite tired and restless after doing a few rounds of it. At the FUP, Tiffany suddenly told me that she miss da bear alot. She kept on insisting that the bear should treat the NC. For me, it is not really necessary for that person to treat us. Anyway we get 3rd. So whats the big deal ??? In my heart, i just felt like telling tiffany that I also miss him alotz... Who on earth will not miss their seniors [especially NC members] I just hope that one day there will be such thing called "NC Outing".Anyway the training today is not so... tough managable by people like me. As for Sarina, "Drink alotz of water" Hope u recover from ur cough soon.

After the training I walked with Aisyah home. We chat about ahemm... ya....not much to tell actually....Unfortunately, it rained halfway. I felt lucky cause I had made the effort to bring an umbrella to school. I sacrifice my water bottle because of my umbrella. How lame is that !!!