My final year project had just started a few weeks back and i m now suffering from the effects of it. I m very very behind time when most of my classmates concepts had been approved and mine is not. I felt so miserable? Why can't I just think on the spot? Why can't i just be CREATIVE? I purposely bold the word because that is the word that is killing me right now. CREATIVITY. My sister commented that i have no creativity even my lecturer shared the same view. What is wrong with me? God please help me
I don't to get a C grade again this time round. I really want to be in the A+ category with people like Xiao Qi, Hakimah, Mitch. Why can they get it so easily and I cannot? I can also be like them. I can also show to Mr. Sonny and Ms Marilyn that i have exactly the same standard like them. I don't want to be labeled inside a "slack" group because I am not one. Hopefully things will change fast and god blessed my doa so that i can think on the spot and be more creative in all kinds of things.
This time round my GPA grade, i aim for a 3.5 . I think it is a very reasonable goal that i should achieve in order to go to University. I seriously want to go to NUS. I must reach there no matter what. I must...insyallah. Allah, pls direct me along for this project. I can't do anything without your guidance. Amin...
Friday, November 19, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Nobody understands me :(
I felt so dissapointed as nobody understood me. Even the closes being in my life; my family members regularly condemed me. Especially my elder sister. She always have this attitude of being "on top of the world". Really stuck up. I have seen this in her attitude in many occasions. For example in my religious class. She always scold me and giving me that annoying look when i wanted to copy what she wrote on her notes. What's wrong with sharing.
Another thing is that i loathe the part when she comes in between my conversation with my mom. All she say that i look stupid when i keep on browsing my fb acc. It is non of ur business lah... Like hello...nobody is asking for ur opinion. Stop being a kpo. Sometimes i wonder what she will say when her friends ask her to describe about her younger sibling. Hope out of ten things at least one will be a positive one.
My mom. She always like to repeat things which she had said a thousand times. I seriously hate it. If she don't mind yelling the same thing over and over again, let me make this clear; I MIND!!!
I felt so depressed. With no one to sit beside me and cheer me up. For yesterday and today have been free boring periods in sch. I had no one to talk with and at home family members are like fighting with one another. In school i felt so outcast. My group leader,nicole never regard me like part of her group. She always do things alone with jeanette. What is lacking in me? Ami not a good member who can produce wonderful suggestions. I can do work,ok. I m going to prove it to all of you. Doesn't mean i do not really talk in class equate to stupidity and unresourceful. Can't you people be a bit more humble.
When i turn to seoul garden friends, they are not there too. Zubaidah is busy with her romance world while ina is busy with other commitments. Hazri which i should not have mention, might be busy with his new love life with whoever it is. If tell hazri what i am undergoing now, he will careless. He is more interested with his new girlfriend. All he could think of is love,marriage and only her. Nothing else.
Me? Nothing. Dear Allah please send me a kind-hearted seoul who can listen to all my problems, who can understand me and someone who can cheer me up and make me happy in times like this. Pls ya Allah,you are the only one whom i can seek help right now and you are the only one who can understand how i feel now. Amin...
Another thing is that i loathe the part when she comes in between my conversation with my mom. All she say that i look stupid when i keep on browsing my fb acc. It is non of ur business lah... Like hello...nobody is asking for ur opinion. Stop being a kpo. Sometimes i wonder what she will say when her friends ask her to describe about her younger sibling. Hope out of ten things at least one will be a positive one.
My mom. She always like to repeat things which she had said a thousand times. I seriously hate it. If she don't mind yelling the same thing over and over again, let me make this clear; I MIND!!!
I felt so depressed. With no one to sit beside me and cheer me up. For yesterday and today have been free boring periods in sch. I had no one to talk with and at home family members are like fighting with one another. In school i felt so outcast. My group leader,nicole never regard me like part of her group. She always do things alone with jeanette. What is lacking in me? Ami not a good member who can produce wonderful suggestions. I can do work,ok. I m going to prove it to all of you. Doesn't mean i do not really talk in class equate to stupidity and unresourceful. Can't you people be a bit more humble.
When i turn to seoul garden friends, they are not there too. Zubaidah is busy with her romance world while ina is busy with other commitments. Hazri which i should not have mention, might be busy with his new love life with whoever it is. If tell hazri what i am undergoing now, he will careless. He is more interested with his new girlfriend. All he could think of is love,marriage and only her. Nothing else.
Me? Nothing. Dear Allah please send me a kind-hearted seoul who can listen to all my problems, who can understand me and someone who can cheer me up and make me happy in times like this. Pls ya Allah,you are the only one whom i can seek help right now and you are the only one who can understand how i feel now. Amin...
Friday, September 17, 2010
Madrasah exam
At first, i thought that i can enjoy my Hari Raya holidays. At a second thought, i don't think so. For this coming sunday and next sunday, i will be having madrasahg exam. I am so stressed out. The questions that is being tested out is so much different from my previous test.
The test comprises 2 parts. Part 1 and 2. Part 1 is an open book question. This is where i rely most of my marks on. But it is not as easy as said. It is easy to provide the answers but the questions are not easy to comprehend. I know that i must read very carefully the questions that i choose if not some parts of the questions will not be answered.
As for part 2, is close book question. I know that this section is a bit tough for me to handle but insyallah, with what i have learnt and god's help i think i will be able to sail through it smoothly.
Now, i am praying to god to ask him for help during my test later. Insyallah ida, you can do it !!! :)
Bismilla...
The test comprises 2 parts. Part 1 and 2. Part 1 is an open book question. This is where i rely most of my marks on. But it is not as easy as said. It is easy to provide the answers but the questions are not easy to comprehend. I know that i must read very carefully the questions that i choose if not some parts of the questions will not be answered.
As for part 2, is close book question. I know that this section is a bit tough for me to handle but insyallah, with what i have learnt and god's help i think i will be able to sail through it smoothly.
Now, i am praying to god to ask him for help during my test later. Insyallah ida, you can do it !!! :)
Bismilla...
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Salam Aidilfitri
Today marks the 29th day of my fasting month. This means that Hari Raya is just 1 day away. Wow...so fun...i could feel the happy atmosphere as i m writing this post. Hmm... as for the preparations, it is not quite done yet. I still need to help mom with the curtains and to polish all the woody furniture and make it look new! As for my elder sister, she have to clean both toilets, sweep and vacuum the house. Darn, that's a lot of work, though. But nevermind. since my mom always praise her, saying that she produce quality work, so be it. I don't give a damn.
Now talking about school, guess what guys? From now on, I have 5 weeks of school holiday. That is super fun... Wee... play and sleep will fill up this 5 weeks i guess. Hehe... If only i have someone special right now, i can always go out with him, to make him happy of course. Nah... why should i be thinking of this in the first place. The optimistic side of me asks me to back up in my drawing conventions. It is because i received a lot of negative remarks from my lecturers during my presentation and all i have to do is to improve and be on par with the rest.
Another thing that is on my mind right now is my Seoul Garden friends. I miss them like only god knows. I promise to myself that if i meet them during the hari raya outing, i am so going to hug them tight. Especially Zubaidah and Ina. They are my blood sisters when i was working there. My world in SG evolved around them and Hazri. I don't know if they still remember me. I wish they did, because i think i am lagging out from the both of them. Ever since i started poly, i hav never heard of any hot news or gossips about them. Me felt so leftout.
The only thing that i know is that, Zub is together with Is now. That is super obvious in FB. As a friend, I hope that she can juggle her time well and i will always wish that their relationship will last long. Amin... From what i know the Doa will come true especially during this holy month of Ramadhan. :) As for Ina, one thing that is for sure is that she will be prettier that the last time that i see her. I am wondering what will they wear for Hari Raya???
See you guys around soon. For now, "SELAMAT HARI RAYA MINAL AIDIL WALFAIZIN"
Now talking about school, guess what guys? From now on, I have 5 weeks of school holiday. That is super fun... Wee... play and sleep will fill up this 5 weeks i guess. Hehe... If only i have someone special right now, i can always go out with him, to make him happy of course. Nah... why should i be thinking of this in the first place. The optimistic side of me asks me to back up in my drawing conventions. It is because i received a lot of negative remarks from my lecturers during my presentation and all i have to do is to improve and be on par with the rest.
Another thing that is on my mind right now is my Seoul Garden friends. I miss them like only god knows. I promise to myself that if i meet them during the hari raya outing, i am so going to hug them tight. Especially Zubaidah and Ina. They are my blood sisters when i was working there. My world in SG evolved around them and Hazri. I don't know if they still remember me. I wish they did, because i think i am lagging out from the both of them. Ever since i started poly, i hav never heard of any hot news or gossips about them. Me felt so leftout.
The only thing that i know is that, Zub is together with Is now. That is super obvious in FB. As a friend, I hope that she can juggle her time well and i will always wish that their relationship will last long. Amin... From what i know the Doa will come true especially during this holy month of Ramadhan. :) As for Ina, one thing that is for sure is that she will be prettier that the last time that i see her. I am wondering what will they wear for Hari Raya???
See you guys around soon. For now, "SELAMAT HARI RAYA MINAL AIDIL WALFAIZIN"
Monday, August 23, 2010
Ramadhan Al- Mubarak
Alhamduliah, syukur kepada allah kerana hari ini adalah hari yang ke 13 bulan Ramadhan. Semoga saya doakan setiap umat Islam di dunia ini mendapat ganjaran yang tinggi di sisi Allah s.w.t. Amin ya rabal allamin. Terdapat berberapa perkara yang berlaku pada bulan yang penuh barakah ini. Di antaranya ialah lawatan di rumah pertapis perempuan di mana saya dan rakan cca nurhayat saya telah mengadakan iftar di sana. Satu perkara lagi ialah saya telah mengada iftar bersama rakan2 di sekolah menegah saya.
Lawatan pertapis perempuan adalah suatu pengalaman yang tidak dapat saya lupakan hingga ke hari ini. Kami bertemu ramah dengan semua penduduk di situ. Kami telah menggajar mereka banyak permainan di samping menyemaikan rasa cinta kepada bahasa ibunda kita. Saya di tugaskan untuk memetik gambar sebagai kenangan kami di sana. Saya berasa terharu apabila melihat mereka tertawa antara sesama sendiri. Saya selalu bayangkan apabila berada di tempat mereka. Tiada kebebasan. Tidak mendapat kasih sayang keluarga kerana jarang bertemu dengan mereka.Tentunya saya akan berasa pilu kerana tidak dapat menjalani kehidupan yang normal seperti remaja2 yang lain.
Selain itu, saya berasa gembira kerana hubungan saya dengan kelab nurhayat semakin rapat. Saya rasa seolah-olah diri saya ini diterima oleh mereka. Banyak juga yang telah add saya di facebook :) Terima kasih kawan tercinta! Seperkara lagi, saya tidak tahu jika tekaan saya ini betul tapi saya tidak boleh nafikan bahawa ada rakan2 saya di Nurhayat terutama sekali teman lelaki, mereka semua kacak2 belaka. Saya tidak tahu kenapa, mungkin bukan dari segi fizikal, wajahnya atau luaran, ianya mungkin disebabkan oleh ahklak mereka serta keperibadian mereka yang murni. Itu yang membuat saya kadang-kadang tertarik dengan mereka. Di antara yang saya maksudkan ini ialah Hairul, Md. Akid dan Noorendi. Saya harap diakhir pengajian saya di polytechnic nanti, saya dapat mengenali mereka dengan lebih dalam lagi. Insyallah...
Iftar bersama rakan2 menegah saya pula telah bertempat di 18 chef di Yishun. Pada mulanya saya telah menyarankan untuk berbuka di Seoul Garden sahaja kerana ianya lebih dekat. Namun, harganya agak mahal dan ramai di antara kami, termasuklah saya, tidak mempunyai wang yang mencukupi. Di 18 chef, walaupun agak jauh sedikit, harga lebih murah dan berpatutan jika dibandingkan dengan Seoul Garden. Hehe... (shahidah is a betrayal to SG) Lapan di antara kami yang hadir. Saya,Filza,Yaqinah,Sakinah,Wali, Deeshraf, Zaim, Tafsir, Syamsul dan Yu Ming. Kami borak tentang course yang kami ceburi. Filza dan deeshraf pula selalu membuat suasana ceria dengan gelak ketawa mereka. Bagai tak kering gusi dibuatnya! hehe...sungguh seronok sekali apabila bersama mereka.
Saya masih lagi menunngu iftar bersama rakan2 seoul garden. Sayangnya mereka masih belum plan lagi hingga ke hari ini. Mungkin mereka sedang menunggu Hazri menggambil cuti kerja. Moga2 ada iftar lah ye rakan2. Saya rindu... (infinity) banget sama kalian semua, terutama sekali Hazri. Jangan bimbang kawanku. Ku tetap akan kenangkan saat bahagia kita bersama dan ku akan doakan supaya kamu semua sering bahagia disamping orang yang tersayang. Amin...amin...amin.
Saya berharap segala yang berlaku pada bulan Ramadhan ini ada hikmah di sebaliknya. Amin :) Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa ye kawan-kawanku yang tersayang. :D
Lawatan pertapis perempuan adalah suatu pengalaman yang tidak dapat saya lupakan hingga ke hari ini. Kami bertemu ramah dengan semua penduduk di situ. Kami telah menggajar mereka banyak permainan di samping menyemaikan rasa cinta kepada bahasa ibunda kita. Saya di tugaskan untuk memetik gambar sebagai kenangan kami di sana. Saya berasa terharu apabila melihat mereka tertawa antara sesama sendiri. Saya selalu bayangkan apabila berada di tempat mereka. Tiada kebebasan. Tidak mendapat kasih sayang keluarga kerana jarang bertemu dengan mereka.Tentunya saya akan berasa pilu kerana tidak dapat menjalani kehidupan yang normal seperti remaja2 yang lain.
Selain itu, saya berasa gembira kerana hubungan saya dengan kelab nurhayat semakin rapat. Saya rasa seolah-olah diri saya ini diterima oleh mereka. Banyak juga yang telah add saya di facebook :) Terima kasih kawan tercinta! Seperkara lagi, saya tidak tahu jika tekaan saya ini betul tapi saya tidak boleh nafikan bahawa ada rakan2 saya di Nurhayat terutama sekali teman lelaki, mereka semua kacak2 belaka. Saya tidak tahu kenapa, mungkin bukan dari segi fizikal, wajahnya atau luaran, ianya mungkin disebabkan oleh ahklak mereka serta keperibadian mereka yang murni. Itu yang membuat saya kadang-kadang tertarik dengan mereka. Di antara yang saya maksudkan ini ialah Hairul, Md. Akid dan Noorendi. Saya harap diakhir pengajian saya di polytechnic nanti, saya dapat mengenali mereka dengan lebih dalam lagi. Insyallah...
Iftar bersama rakan2 menegah saya pula telah bertempat di 18 chef di Yishun. Pada mulanya saya telah menyarankan untuk berbuka di Seoul Garden sahaja kerana ianya lebih dekat. Namun, harganya agak mahal dan ramai di antara kami, termasuklah saya, tidak mempunyai wang yang mencukupi. Di 18 chef, walaupun agak jauh sedikit, harga lebih murah dan berpatutan jika dibandingkan dengan Seoul Garden. Hehe... (shahidah is a betrayal to SG) Lapan di antara kami yang hadir. Saya,Filza,Yaqinah,Sakinah,Wali, Deeshraf, Zaim, Tafsir, Syamsul dan Yu Ming. Kami borak tentang course yang kami ceburi. Filza dan deeshraf pula selalu membuat suasana ceria dengan gelak ketawa mereka. Bagai tak kering gusi dibuatnya! hehe...sungguh seronok sekali apabila bersama mereka.
Saya masih lagi menunngu iftar bersama rakan2 seoul garden. Sayangnya mereka masih belum plan lagi hingga ke hari ini. Mungkin mereka sedang menunggu Hazri menggambil cuti kerja. Moga2 ada iftar lah ye rakan2. Saya rindu... (infinity) banget sama kalian semua, terutama sekali Hazri. Jangan bimbang kawanku. Ku tetap akan kenangkan saat bahagia kita bersama dan ku akan doakan supaya kamu semua sering bahagia disamping orang yang tersayang. Amin...amin...amin.
Saya berharap segala yang berlaku pada bulan Ramadhan ini ada hikmah di sebaliknya. Amin :) Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa ye kawan-kawanku yang tersayang. :D
Thursday, July 29, 2010
PRIMERS!!!
Primers had been driving me bonkers ever since it first started. It is way tougher than ICE 1,2 and 3. In ICE, you can just take your own sweet time to finish up each instruction in the design brief. But PRIMERS, once you slack, that it. We will be way back. Its like people already reach the moon and you are still climbing halfway through. Every single day will be a new process that we need to complete.
But I should never give up. Like what my classmate, Akid says, we should never give up. No matter what. This course is our future already. After this three years, we can choose to go whereever we like.
As for me i have this very strong gut to go to NIE and become a teacher. Not an art teacher, of course. I hate art. Maybe i want to teach primary school kids mathematics and science. I will work my way up the promotion ladder to become a HOD.
After being financially secured, then would i start to find my life partner. But i think it is a bit to late to one. I mean, by the time i will be on my late 20s. So old!!! But insyallah, with god's help, maybe he could meet me with a man that i love, a man which understands me inside out. Someone who i can share with my problems. Not a smoker definitely.
Maybe someone who will give his fullest encouragement and support to my courier. So,ya. Insyallah. Amin...
But I should never give up. Like what my classmate, Akid says, we should never give up. No matter what. This course is our future already. After this three years, we can choose to go whereever we like.
As for me i have this very strong gut to go to NIE and become a teacher. Not an art teacher, of course. I hate art. Maybe i want to teach primary school kids mathematics and science. I will work my way up the promotion ladder to become a HOD.
After being financially secured, then would i start to find my life partner. But i think it is a bit to late to one. I mean, by the time i will be on my late 20s. So old!!! But insyallah, with god's help, maybe he could meet me with a man that i love, a man which understands me inside out. Someone who i can share with my problems. Not a smoker definitely.
Maybe someone who will give his fullest encouragement and support to my courier. So,ya. Insyallah. Amin...
Friday, July 16, 2010
Garden Festival at Suntec City
Yesterday after the PLT lecture my class went to Suntec City for Garden Festival exhibition. We were released around 12:48pm and were expected to be seen at the entrance at 2:30pm. I went there with my goodie friends; Amalina, Maisarah, Jolene, Zi fang and Jia lin. We took bus 160 to our destination. The bus was very humid and i wonder if the bus driver had switch on the air con. I sat on the seat which is facing the opposite direction of the moving bus. Giddy and nausea engulfed me coupled with the warm air on the bus. At the point we i could not take it any longer, i just put my head down and pressed down to my forehead.
Soon after we reached, Jolene suggested that we had our lunch at Burger King; Marina Square first as we still had ample time to spare. The nause feeling is still attached to my throat so i did not buy the set meal. I just got myself Mexican drumlets. Although it is oily, it really help to bring my nause feeling down and i do not feel giddy anymore. After that, we proceed to the entrance of the venue. We saw the rest of our class there.
I must admit that my camera is giving me problems as soon as i had entered. I feed it with bullets of batteries and i still failed to switched it on. I envy my classmates who came armed with a digital camera or even worse, DSLR camera. I feel that they were very lucky children indeed. Their parents willingly invested on a camera for their children. But i guess i am not as lucky as them. My family never bothers to buy a camera. Knowing that my mom likes to travel a lot.
Soon after we reached, Jolene suggested that we had our lunch at Burger King; Marina Square first as we still had ample time to spare. The nause feeling is still attached to my throat so i did not buy the set meal. I just got myself Mexican drumlets. Although it is oily, it really help to bring my nause feeling down and i do not feel giddy anymore. After that, we proceed to the entrance of the venue. We saw the rest of our class there.
I must admit that my camera is giving me problems as soon as i had entered. I feed it with bullets of batteries and i still failed to switched it on. I envy my classmates who came armed with a digital camera or even worse, DSLR camera. I feel that they were very lucky children indeed. Their parents willingly invested on a camera for their children. But i guess i am not as lucky as them. My family never bothers to buy a camera. Knowing that my mom likes to travel a lot.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
God pls help me...
Today i had just received my bills. I was freaking shock that I have to pay that much amount of money. Handphone and internet bills. If i total the sum it will definiyely be more than my weekly school pocket money. What is happening in the world right now? Where are my parents when i need them in times like this. My dad is a stingy person. He rather give his money to that maid (bitch) rather than his wive or children. At one point of time, my mom get a slap from him just to clarify his relationship with that maid. What kind of father is he? Sometimes it makes me feel a very unlucky person in this world.
My mom on the other hand, worked just to get extra money to cover up the marketing expenses. Duh....like how is fifty bucks enough to last for the whole week! The worst thing is that my dad wanted to eat nice dishes when he only gives my mom that amount of money every week. One thing i hate about my mom's character is that when she gets back from work, she will just be in front of the computer playing Petsville. Guess what, the more irritating part is that she is playing it for free. That's why i don't see the point of paying thirty bucks per month when people are playing it for free. Another thing is that I felt that only me and kak nina is supplying everything in the house. That makes us feel angry at times. We are not being treated like other teenagers out there. Teenagers who need not worry about thier bills because they are very confident that their parents will settle it for them. All they need to do is just study...study...and study. Now when the fasting month is getting nearer my mom even ask me and my sister is we could share money to pay for the curtains. What is this??? I just don't understand parents nowadays.
I had a lot of things in mind that i need to buy. I moisturizing collagen, hair conditioner, shoes for school use and clothes for school use. My money is only enough to either buy the things that i need to buy or to pay for my bill. Sometimes i envy my classmates who could eat fast food almost every single day in school without having to worry whether they will have enough money for tommorow's meal. I am not being an ungrateful daughter but at least i wish that someone could understand the situation that i am in now. Perhaps the best solution for me is to improve more on my savings. Instead of saving only $10 per week, i will have to increase it to $20. I am trying right now and i will still try. Life without money would be hard for me.
The second thing that has been bothering me recently is hazri. When i text him, he will not reply me. When i chat with him on facebook he will not reply also. He can say that he is busy. But come on, everyone in the world is busy. Or maybe he totally forget about me. Maybe he likes someone else already. "Who is shahidah to me? She is some girl who wears a scarf and talk about nothing else but religious stuff. Very pious indeed. She is just a trainee when i worked with her last time". Maybe that is what i think he will be will be thinking. Please prove me wrong me wrong, hazri. I really miss you so much. I don't know as a friend or someone special... Iam so confused and angry and sad all at the same time. I wish i could find the right word to describe this special feeling but i can't. I will still pray for him day and night. I know he is a good and decent guy. He will never dissapoint me. He will always make me happy when we are together. I really miss those moments that we share together last time.
I got a feeling that we will meet again someday. Insyallah. I will always pray that Hazri will be happy among his family and friends. Insyallah. But for the time-being, please take care of yourself and i will be looking forward to meet you again. :D Take care Hazri!
My mom on the other hand, worked just to get extra money to cover up the marketing expenses. Duh....like how is fifty bucks enough to last for the whole week! The worst thing is that my dad wanted to eat nice dishes when he only gives my mom that amount of money every week. One thing i hate about my mom's character is that when she gets back from work, she will just be in front of the computer playing Petsville. Guess what, the more irritating part is that she is playing it for free. That's why i don't see the point of paying thirty bucks per month when people are playing it for free. Another thing is that I felt that only me and kak nina is supplying everything in the house. That makes us feel angry at times. We are not being treated like other teenagers out there. Teenagers who need not worry about thier bills because they are very confident that their parents will settle it for them. All they need to do is just study...study...and study. Now when the fasting month is getting nearer my mom even ask me and my sister is we could share money to pay for the curtains. What is this??? I just don't understand parents nowadays.
I had a lot of things in mind that i need to buy. I moisturizing collagen, hair conditioner, shoes for school use and clothes for school use. My money is only enough to either buy the things that i need to buy or to pay for my bill. Sometimes i envy my classmates who could eat fast food almost every single day in school without having to worry whether they will have enough money for tommorow's meal. I am not being an ungrateful daughter but at least i wish that someone could understand the situation that i am in now. Perhaps the best solution for me is to improve more on my savings. Instead of saving only $10 per week, i will have to increase it to $20. I am trying right now and i will still try. Life without money would be hard for me.
The second thing that has been bothering me recently is hazri. When i text him, he will not reply me. When i chat with him on facebook he will not reply also. He can say that he is busy. But come on, everyone in the world is busy. Or maybe he totally forget about me. Maybe he likes someone else already. "Who is shahidah to me? She is some girl who wears a scarf and talk about nothing else but religious stuff. Very pious indeed. She is just a trainee when i worked with her last time". Maybe that is what i think he will be will be thinking. Please prove me wrong me wrong, hazri. I really miss you so much. I don't know as a friend or someone special... Iam so confused and angry and sad all at the same time. I wish i could find the right word to describe this special feeling but i can't. I will still pray for him day and night. I know he is a good and decent guy. He will never dissapoint me. He will always make me happy when we are together. I really miss those moments that we share together last time.
I got a feeling that we will meet again someday. Insyallah. I will always pray that Hazri will be happy among his family and friends. Insyallah. But for the time-being, please take care of yourself and i will be looking forward to meet you again. :D Take care Hazri!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Presentation!!!
Tmrw is my presentation for my OC. Damn scared lah. I keep on imagine that my audience are monsters and will eat me up if i say my words wrongly. Argh!!! how... i timed myself and my presentation only lasted for 4:07 min. But i think can cause ms chong got said no need to be exactly 5 min flat. Plus minus 5 min will do. Actually i am not scared presenting. But due to seeing some faces i begin to get stage fright. I dunno why. I mean seeing matthew and darren's faces.
When i look at them its like they are sucking all my bravery and making me feel weak and frightened. Ya allah, please help me to speak confidently before others. Insyallah...
When i look at them its like they are sucking all my bravery and making me feel weak and frightened. Ya allah, please help me to speak confidently before others. Insyallah...
Friday, May 28, 2010
Just i met up wif my seoul garden friends for breakfast at Mac donalds. I also felt that on friday like this, we should met and talk about stuff. Me, my sisters, Hazri, Isk and zul were there. All of them were enough to perk my morning. But unfortunately i was the one who turned up late. I hav to help my mom with marketing.
But the weird thing is that suddenly Hazri sounded to treat us for breakfast. Maybe because he had his pay already. But nevermind, i don't want to think so much on that.
Moreover, i brought along with me the books that i want to lend it to him. All the madrasah books. I don't feel that it is wrong to lend peole books right? Anyway, hopefully he understands the contents of the books.
I wish that we could stayed there longer but Ina and Zubaidah have to work so we sent them off first. When we reached outlet, the first person i saw was Fahrul. I did not have the opportunity to talk to him. But i hope he is ok. I know his contract will end soon, June right if i am not wrong. However, i managed to meet Kak Siti, Ben and yana. They were glad when we came. I miss them so much too.
But the weird thing is that suddenly Hazri sounded to treat us for breakfast. Maybe because he had his pay already. But nevermind, i don't want to think so much on that.
Moreover, i brought along with me the books that i want to lend it to him. All the madrasah books. I don't feel that it is wrong to lend peole books right? Anyway, hopefully he understands the contents of the books.
I wish that we could stayed there longer but Ina and Zubaidah have to work so we sent them off first. When we reached outlet, the first person i saw was Fahrul. I did not have the opportunity to talk to him. But i hope he is ok. I know his contract will end soon, June right if i am not wrong. However, i managed to meet Kak Siti, Ben and yana. They were glad when we came. I miss them so much too.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Hazri's last day
Yesterday was hazri's last day at SG. I finally managed to know after ina informed me.I f she have not informed me, i would not have known. Hazri will never tell me definitely. I dunno ever since my last day there, hazri, zu and ina have been a bit a far from me. When i came there yesterday, i felt that i had miss out quite a lot of things and everybody seems to ignore my presence. I know that zu and ina have been hiding something from me. But nevermind. I kept telling myself. How long can secrets last? It is just a matter of time before i know them. It is either that i know it now or later. Thats all.
As for abg Hazri, i hope he will like his new job although it is quite far way (loyang). I wish that he will save enough money and get married soon. Amin. I want him to be happy with his life. I always pray for his hapiness. My teacher once said. If we like something we should let it go. If that thing come back to us, it means that it is our. If it doesn't, then it happen to belong to someone else. I always relate this phrase with abg hazri. So by now shahidah, you should have know the answer very well.
Up till now i never had any outing with them. Saded right? Abg hazri promise me that someday he will bring me and the rest out but it seems to be an empty promise. Is because that i have curfews that they neglect me? I always feel like crying when i think about this. Hopefully, like what they said, they going to have an Hari Raya outing later in the year. I hope they remember me.
If you guys want to know the truth, I still miss abg hazri like my brother. Ever since i started school that brother love have been disconnected from me. Besides him, i dunno who else to look upon as my brother. As i am writing now, i still remembered the days that we have fun together. Especially the dinner that i had with him during my SG days. It just keep reapeating in my head without fail. As it repeats, my heart just could not stop feeling hurt and my eyes were always filled with tears. Abg hazri...pls don't leave me alone. I felt so lost without you around.
As for abg Hazri, i hope he will like his new job although it is quite far way (loyang). I wish that he will save enough money and get married soon. Amin. I want him to be happy with his life. I always pray for his hapiness. My teacher once said. If we like something we should let it go. If that thing come back to us, it means that it is our. If it doesn't, then it happen to belong to someone else. I always relate this phrase with abg hazri. So by now shahidah, you should have know the answer very well.
Up till now i never had any outing with them. Saded right? Abg hazri promise me that someday he will bring me and the rest out but it seems to be an empty promise. Is because that i have curfews that they neglect me? I always feel like crying when i think about this. Hopefully, like what they said, they going to have an Hari Raya outing later in the year. I hope they remember me.
If you guys want to know the truth, I still miss abg hazri like my brother. Ever since i started school that brother love have been disconnected from me. Besides him, i dunno who else to look upon as my brother. As i am writing now, i still remembered the days that we have fun together. Especially the dinner that i had with him during my SG days. It just keep reapeating in my head without fail. As it repeats, my heart just could not stop feeling hurt and my eyes were always filled with tears. Abg hazri...pls don't leave me alone. I felt so lost without you around.
Friday, April 23, 2010
First wk @ SP
My first week at SP was fun at the same time slack. But i like it though. It is also called the orientation week. During our first day we were assigned to our cubicles. Yea...at last we got our own workspace to work on. Furthermore, my seat is right at the back of the studio, so if we do something funny our PT will not know.He...he....
Anyway, just now marks the end of our orientation week. To end of the week my PTs decided to let us watch a movie. Guess what? The story that we watched was 2012. I was very attentive during the movie as it was my first time viewing it. However, it is not so for the rest. For example, like my classmate, Amalina, she told us that she watched this for the 5th time already. I can imagine how bored she must be. I think she can even tell us the story verbally without looking at the screen. But the best part was that we get to go home early. Yay!!!
After being released, me,Amalina,Jolene and Xi fang had our lunch at Eighteen Chef. It is located at the fusionpolis building. I don't even know where the heck that place is. But i just followed them. Being in a new place with new friends is an experience for me. We went for the student meal course and it is so damn cheap; affordable for a student like me. Jolene ordered the mushroom pasta. I went for the baked rice with black pepper. Amalina went the baked rice with the white sauce. Xi fang went for the pasta with mango sauce.
Yum....yum.... it was really filling. Following that, we were served with a scoop pf chocolate ice-cream. That really wrap up our stomach for the day. We really had fun. Thank guys....we should eat there more often. Like say...2 times a week. Everyday also i don't mind.
Tomorrow we are planing to go art friend again cause jolene have not purchase her materials yet. As for me, i have all the items except for the 2 colours which i m short of money the last time i went there. But i don't mind going there again for my friends. I love them. I can also window shop again for shoes and accessories. Now trying to text Amalina regarding tmrw's plan. Chao...
Friday, April 9, 2010
ABE camp !!!
I notice that ever since i have this new lapy i used it quite often especially for blogging. Ha..ha... nevermind. Anyway this camp was held on 5-8 april. At first i felt regretful, unwilling and guilty joining this camp. Regret because i could have work at SG and earn more money. Moreover, this camp is optional and Zubaidah is also not attending so i was telling myself why should i attend it? Unwilling because i thought that i will miss my SG friends for 4 days. Ok, maybe 4 days is not so long but for me i felt that leaving them for a day makes me feel like a year. That kind of thing. Guilty because i should have joined the Malay Society Club camp cause i have promised them that i will come for it.They even email me the kit list already. Sorry guys. If i have had attended it, all my prayer time will be well taken care of.
First day of camp was damn boring. Time flies by damn slowly. I sat there with the rest of the campers feeling like an idiot. Everyone was alien to me. I feel inferior. Most of them came with their sec sch friends. But i came alone. Really daring to enter to a totally new world, environment. Like who among my classmates got into the same course as me. None. Haix. I felt like crying at first, looking forward for the camp to end when everyone were looking forward for the camp to start. Hoping for tiime to fly super fast. It is like wanting to close my eyes for a second and when i open it back the camp had ended. That is how bad i wanted it to be. So selfish of me. We played "blow wind blow". From that moment on, my eyes had already caught some hot-looking guys. At least the thought of them could keep my crazy intentions down for a while. I was in Mao Zhe Dong group and those good-looking dudes were in other group. Hai... such a waste. My group leaders were Naufal and Li feng (LF). My group members were: Azry, Natalie, Mira, Iffah, Mitch (sounds like b**** when pronounced fast), Shawn and those who i forget their names. Opps....
First day of camp was damn boring. Time flies by damn slowly. I sat there with the rest of the campers feeling like an idiot. Everyone was alien to me. I feel inferior. Most of them came with their sec sch friends. But i came alone. Really daring to enter to a totally new world, environment. Like who among my classmates got into the same course as me. None. Haix. I felt like crying at first, looking forward for the camp to end when everyone were looking forward for the camp to start. Hoping for tiime to fly super fast. It is like wanting to close my eyes for a second and when i open it back the camp had ended. That is how bad i wanted it to be. So selfish of me. We played "blow wind blow". From that moment on, my eyes had already caught some hot-looking guys. At least the thought of them could keep my crazy intentions down for a while. I was in Mao Zhe Dong group and those good-looking dudes were in other group. Hai... such a waste. My group leaders were Naufal and Li feng (LF). My group members were: Azry, Natalie, Mira, Iffah, Mitch (sounds like b**** when pronounced fast), Shawn and those who i forget their names. Opps....
Saturday, March 27, 2010
I felt very restless today. Maybe is due to the long shift that i work today. I was doing buffet for the first half of the day. I don't mind doing buffet during lunch time. I just need to stand by all the meat and top up for only once. Unlike dinner, where the restaurant runs like a mad house. I have to always do top up for almost everything. Some more the seniors know that i can do buffet they let me suffer alone, knowing that i am a lady. A trainee some more. Where are the seniors when we need them? Huh... i don't know how to vividly describe how i feel rite now. It's complicated...Only god knows.
Just now when i was doing floor, I saw i of my old friends dining in with her family. My sister knows her brother. I felt so inferior when i was cleaning after them. They were there spending quality time together. But what was i doing? Looking like an idiot with my oily face asking for dirty plates. I felt so low. Like they were up there and i am still on the ground. You know what i mean. Sometimes i kept asking myself. Why should i clean after people? Why should i work under people's command.
Sometimes i don't understand why the workers in SG must treat the manager like god. They get so scared when they walk pass, they hide somewhere to eat because they scared the managers will see them. I mean why must all this happen? Why must we ask permission before we eat? What if we are really really hungry? Then we must die2 search for them before we can eat. What kind of policy is that. The managers were behaving like as if they own the restaurant. Wah...they are the biggest. "you must respect me". I don't give a damn shit about that kind of attitude...People like should work alone and not in F&B sector.
Just now when i was doing floor, I saw i of my old friends dining in with her family. My sister knows her brother. I felt so inferior when i was cleaning after them. They were there spending quality time together. But what was i doing? Looking like an idiot with my oily face asking for dirty plates. I felt so low. Like they were up there and i am still on the ground. You know what i mean. Sometimes i kept asking myself. Why should i clean after people? Why should i work under people's command.
Sometimes i don't understand why the workers in SG must treat the manager like god. They get so scared when they walk pass, they hide somewhere to eat because they scared the managers will see them. I mean why must all this happen? Why must we ask permission before we eat? What if we are really really hungry? Then we must die2 search for them before we can eat. What kind of policy is that. The managers were behaving like as if they own the restaurant. Wah...they are the biggest. "you must respect me". I don't give a damn shit about that kind of attitude...People like should work alone and not in F&B sector.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
yay new laptop !!!
Today I work up till 9pm. Like WTH! Why do my manager bother to send me early when it is 1hr 30 min to closing. Haix... Anyway ma'am maricell told me that the reason is because she saw that norman is not doing his work at buffet. Part of me feels guilty because before we start work i die2 told him that i wanted to the meat area. Then he give in to me because he pity me.
Usually the meat area need to do alot of topping up as compared to the desserts area. So from far maybe what the ma'am saw what maybe correct. Anyway next time i felt that it is not a good idea to put 2 person in buffet.
After that when i went home my father gave me a surprise. He bought me a laptop. Even though i do not have the chance to choose the model that i wanted, but still the one that my dad bought for me is quite nice. It has most of the latest features. Alhamdulilah...I wrote today because i wanted to familiarise my fingers to the keypad. Ha...ha... that's all folks!!!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Outing with mum
Today i woke up super early (ok,lah if u feel 8am is early). But for me it is. Ok lah. I have to admit that ever since i worked at Seoul Garden i have been waking up very late. But i have my own reasons as to why this is so. Firstly, all my energy had been drained out when i worked there. Second, i need to be charged in order to start the next day afresh. There are many others but this to is the main ones.
Actually, the main purpose to go out is to submit the Mendaki Bursary/ Loan. Wait is it both or either 1? Nevermind. Anyway who cares. Even before the poly starts i had already feel stressed out with their financial forms. At first we had already decide on using CPF savings. A few days later, my mom decided to switch course and instead took the Mendaki scheme. Haiyo. Like WTH!!!
I honestly feel that it is redundant because whether i apply for Mendaki or not it is not confirm that i am going to get the bursary or not (looking at my results...) How i wish all this can end smoothly. I want to start my poly stress free. You know what i mean right?
It was like raining the whole day plus my shoes are wet no matter how i tried to avoid the puddles. In addition to that with the terrible blister at the back of my leg. Only god knows how i feel at that moment. My mom on the other hand continued to get paranoid the whole time when i was with her. Even when we were in the bus, she kept on blaming my dad for not being a responsible father towards his childs education.
I don't mind listening to all her grievences but look. I still got my limits. I know you are sad but when something went wrong please don't start blaming other people. I hate that character (loathe) And when she get stressed out she will start scolding me and keep saying that i am being rude to her. Sometimes i feel that i am in a difficult position. I seriously do not know if i should pity her or just let her mumble all to herself.
After that we went to geylang to buy my Shadira facial wash. I tink if i did not buy it just now i will be like sratching my face like a monkey. Gosh my face is so addictive to that thing! Following that we had lunch. About 12:30pm we went home by train.
On the train something funny happen. I was sleeping then suddenly this couple push their baby pram toward my direction. Imagine how their baby looks like! So cute!!!! Can u just imagine the dad is a eurasian and the mom is a chinese. Aw....I feel like biting her cheeck especially when she smiles.the baby kept on kicking me.. Ha..ha... Just imagine if that was my child... lol i m too far sighted already. I have not even start poly and now i am thinking about having a child. Ok so cut the crap out,k.
Actually, the main purpose to go out is to submit the Mendaki Bursary/ Loan. Wait is it both or either 1? Nevermind. Anyway who cares. Even before the poly starts i had already feel stressed out with their financial forms. At first we had already decide on using CPF savings. A few days later, my mom decided to switch course and instead took the Mendaki scheme. Haiyo. Like WTH!!!
I honestly feel that it is redundant because whether i apply for Mendaki or not it is not confirm that i am going to get the bursary or not (looking at my results...) How i wish all this can end smoothly. I want to start my poly stress free. You know what i mean right?
It was like raining the whole day plus my shoes are wet no matter how i tried to avoid the puddles. In addition to that with the terrible blister at the back of my leg. Only god knows how i feel at that moment. My mom on the other hand continued to get paranoid the whole time when i was with her. Even when we were in the bus, she kept on blaming my dad for not being a responsible father towards his childs education.
I don't mind listening to all her grievences but look. I still got my limits. I know you are sad but when something went wrong please don't start blaming other people. I hate that character (loathe) And when she get stressed out she will start scolding me and keep saying that i am being rude to her. Sometimes i feel that i am in a difficult position. I seriously do not know if i should pity her or just let her mumble all to herself.
After that we went to geylang to buy my Shadira facial wash. I tink if i did not buy it just now i will be like sratching my face like a monkey. Gosh my face is so addictive to that thing! Following that we had lunch. About 12:30pm we went home by train.
On the train something funny happen. I was sleeping then suddenly this couple push their baby pram toward my direction. Imagine how their baby looks like! So cute!!!! Can u just imagine the dad is a eurasian and the mom is a chinese. Aw....I feel like biting her cheeck especially when she smiles.the baby kept on kicking me.. Ha..ha... Just imagine if that was my child... lol i m too far sighted already. I have not even start poly and now i am thinking about having a child. Ok so cut the crap out,k.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I don't like it when people tease me about. First few times it sounded funny. But after a while i got sick and tired of it. It is not funny at all. Who says that I am rightfully his? They are just making me angry and leaving me feeling stupid.
Zubaidah, what are the chances that we are going to date? Even normal days we don't even go out. We seldom speak to each other. There is a big gate of silence that separate the both of us. Our mouths were sealed everytime we meet. It's like as if we both what we were thinking inside our mind. We always talk about mundane stuff. Work, religious. Nothing beyond that.
But from what i feel, i think that we do not have any special relationship. Because firstly he just wanted to treat me like a normal friend. I guess my love for him is one-sided. Maybe he will continue to love Yati. And maybe they will get married. OMG!!! I cannot continue any furthur... it hurts. It really really hurts to think of that.
Not available in MSN, not in facebook either. It makes me think that he had already forgotten about me. Why Hazri?
Pls berterus terang denganku. Hati ini tak sanggup untuk berdiam lagi. Semakin kau jauh dariku, semakin ku takut untuk kehilangan mu Hazri... (crying)
Zubaidah, what are the chances that we are going to date? Even normal days we don't even go out. We seldom speak to each other. There is a big gate of silence that separate the both of us. Our mouths were sealed everytime we meet. It's like as if we both what we were thinking inside our mind. We always talk about mundane stuff. Work, religious. Nothing beyond that.
But from what i feel, i think that we do not have any special relationship. Because firstly he just wanted to treat me like a normal friend. I guess my love for him is one-sided. Maybe he will continue to love Yati. And maybe they will get married. OMG!!! I cannot continue any furthur... it hurts. It really really hurts to think of that.
Not available in MSN, not in facebook either. It makes me think that he had already forgotten about me. Why Hazri?
Pls berterus terang denganku. Hati ini tak sanggup untuk berdiam lagi. Semakin kau jauh dariku, semakin ku takut untuk kehilangan mu Hazri... (crying)
Monday, February 8, 2010
When will i get to know the truth???
Ever since I know Hazri, things have change. Not for the worst but for the better. Unfortunately, i never get to know him better. When we talk we always talk about religious. I don't dare to chat about other topics. Maybe he also feel the same way.
The sad thing is that someone told me that he use to like this girl in SG also. When i think of liking him, I always have this thought of being selfish, ruthless. It got me thinking of why i should be the third party if they are still in da relationship. Why must i spoil their happiness. Their love for one another. Their longing to be together.
He told me already that if i m 20 yrs old then he will consider. Why must he set such criteria for me? Why can't he love me like a normal person? Am I too young for him? C'mon... age is just a figure. Love is not about figure. It is about the person itself.
I love hazri. I really love him a lot. I cannot lie to myself anymore. The more i convince myself with this lie, the more it hurts inside. My heart already have a wound from da past. I don't want the wound to get any bigger but thinking about him makes it feel like da wound is being stab by a thousand swords.
I truely do not know how this is going to end. But i hope it will be a happy ending. Its just that I m afraid to lose hazri. Not being able to see him anymore. God pls help me. I do not know what to do now. Da minimum i can do is to pray that my relationship with hazri will bloom like a beautiful flower. Or if not i will treat him like my elder brother. The one that will always be by my side, supporting me. the one who will protect me from the storm.
Hazri please don't keep quiet. I need to know what u think of me. As the silence between us passes day by day, i feel weaker and unprotected. Hazri please say something... quiet i no good.
The sad thing is that someone told me that he use to like this girl in SG also. When i think of liking him, I always have this thought of being selfish, ruthless. It got me thinking of why i should be the third party if they are still in da relationship. Why must i spoil their happiness. Their love for one another. Their longing to be together.
He told me already that if i m 20 yrs old then he will consider. Why must he set such criteria for me? Why can't he love me like a normal person? Am I too young for him? C'mon... age is just a figure. Love is not about figure. It is about the person itself.
I love hazri. I really love him a lot. I cannot lie to myself anymore. The more i convince myself with this lie, the more it hurts inside. My heart already have a wound from da past. I don't want the wound to get any bigger but thinking about him makes it feel like da wound is being stab by a thousand swords.
I truely do not know how this is going to end. But i hope it will be a happy ending. Its just that I m afraid to lose hazri. Not being able to see him anymore. God pls help me. I do not know what to do now. Da minimum i can do is to pray that my relationship with hazri will bloom like a beautiful flower. Or if not i will treat him like my elder brother. The one that will always be by my side, supporting me. the one who will protect me from the storm.
Hazri please don't keep quiet. I need to know what u think of me. As the silence between us passes day by day, i feel weaker and unprotected. Hazri please say something... quiet i no good.
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