God pls help me...

Today i had just received my bills. I was freaking shock that I have to pay that much amount of money. Handphone and internet bills. If i total the sum it will definiyely be more than my weekly school pocket money. What is happening in the world right now? Where are my parents when i need them in times like this. My dad is a stingy person. He rather give his money to that maid (bitch) rather than his wive or children. At one point of time, my mom get a slap from him just to clarify his relationship with that maid. What kind of father is he? Sometimes it makes me feel a very unlucky person in this world.
My mom on the other hand, worked just to get extra money to cover up the marketing expenses. Duh....like how is fifty bucks enough to last for the whole week! The worst thing is that my dad wanted to eat nice dishes when he only gives my mom that amount of money every week. One thing i hate about my mom's character is that when she gets back from work, she will just be in front of the computer playing Petsville. Guess what, the more irritating part is that she is playing it for free. That's why i don't see the point of paying thirty bucks per month when people are playing it for free. Another thing is that I felt that only me and kak nina is supplying everything in the house. That makes us feel angry at times. We are not being treated like other teenagers out there. Teenagers who need not worry about thier bills because they are very confident that their parents will settle it for them. All they need to do is just study...study...and study. Now when the fasting month is getting nearer my mom even ask me and my sister is we could share money to pay for the curtains. What is this??? I just don't understand parents nowadays.

I had a lot of things in mind that i need to buy. I moisturizing collagen, hair conditioner, shoes for school use and clothes for school use. My money is only enough to either buy the things that i need to buy or to pay for my bill. Sometimes i envy my classmates who could eat fast food almost every single day in school without having to worry whether they will have enough money for tommorow's meal. I am not being an ungrateful daughter but at least i wish that someone could understand the situation that i am in now. Perhaps the best solution for me is to improve more on my savings. Instead of saving only $10 per week, i will have to increase it to $20. I am trying right now and i will still try. Life without money would be hard for me.

The second thing that has been bothering me recently is hazri. When i text him, he will not reply me. When i chat with him on facebook he will not reply also. He can say that he is busy. But come on, everyone in the world is busy. Or maybe he totally forget about me. Maybe he likes someone else already. "Who is shahidah to me? She is some girl who wears a scarf and talk about nothing else but religious stuff. Very pious indeed. She is just a trainee when i worked with her last time". Maybe that is what i think he will be will be thinking. Please prove me wrong me wrong, hazri. I really miss you so much. I don't know as a friend or someone special... Iam so confused and angry and sad all at the same time. I wish i could find the right word to describe this special feeling but i can't. I will still pray for him day and night. I know he is a good and decent guy. He will never dissapoint me. He will always make me happy when we are together. I really miss those moments that we share together last time.

I got a feeling that we will meet again someday. Insyallah. I will always pray that Hazri will be happy among his family and friends. Insyallah. But for the time-being, please take care of yourself and i will be looking forward to meet you again. :D Take care Hazri!

Presentation!!!

Tmrw is my presentation for my OC. Damn scared lah. I keep on imagine that my audience are monsters and will eat me up if i say my words wrongly. Argh!!! how... i timed myself and my presentation only lasted for 4:07 min. But i think can cause ms chong got said no need to be exactly 5 min flat. Plus minus 5 min will do. Actually i am not scared presenting. But due to seeing some faces i begin to get stage fright. I dunno why. I mean seeing matthew and darren's faces.

When i look at them its like they are sucking all my bravery and making me feel weak and frightened. Ya allah, please help me to speak confidently before others. Insyallah...